01 OCT 2003 - 12.32a
happy october! i have about 2/5 of my paper done. the goal for tonight was 3/5. i might read through another article and call it the halfway point and call it a night. i'm tired. i picked a totally kick ass topic for my project in this media criticisms class... but i'm just so tired. and this is only a draft, not even a final copy. drafts are so gay... so 6th grade, you know?

30 SEP 2003 - 4.33p
i think i'm having a bad day. horses just didn't go the way i wanted... bad horses!

then i got home from the barn and there was a card from tony. something about not being able to find any blank cards at the store and wanting to watch tv with me. i don't know. i've shopped for a lot of cards... and i don't think i ever had a problem finding a blank one. oh well. i guess that isn't really my problem.

so much to do for school... i am determined to get 3/5 of my paper done tonight. if you see me online, please send me an instant message. i'd be happy for a break, i'm sure.

must get ready for class now!

28 SEP 2003 - 3.01p
i have been so addicted to radiohead lately. i had been playing hail to the thief almost nonstop... and i would seriously listen to certain songs hundreds of times in a row before picking a new song to obsess over. last night, driving to kent, i put in kid a and although i am enjoying it tremendously, i miss hail to the thief. i might have to put it back in the next time i drive (which will most likely be very soon).

on friday night, lacey treated me to a feast of cheese steak fries and a giant chicken ka bob. she had steak. oh, the food was so good. it kept me very full through the next day even. i went to kent last night... it was an excellent time. we went to bars, but lacey and i tired pretty early... so we went back to her place and waited patiently for euro gyro to deliver our food. brett met up with some girl that he's been talking to... a friend of a friend blind date type deal. i'm very anxious to hear how it ended. when i left, the girl was still hanging out at lacey's, watching a movie on the couch with brett. hrmmm...

horses have been good. lucy and newt have been going out together without incident. in fact, for the first time in forever, i was able to leave newt in the pasture (with lucy, of course)... usually i have to stay in his sight or he panics. he thinks i'm going to leave him out there for the vultures or something. the other day, he seemed so content with his baby sister that i walked away... for the longest time... and i came back to retrieve them and it was so uneventful. no pacing, no screaming, no pawing at the gate. just happy grazing horses.

the following day, i put them out in the pasture again and stuck around for twenty minutes or so. i went back to the barn and did some boring chores... cleaned water buckets, reorganized the trailer. then someone told me that newt was requesting me back at the pasture. i walked back out there and expected to see nervous newt, screaming for me... instead he was standing at the gate, talking (but not screaming) with his sister standing behind him like, "i don't know what the hell his problem is." i figured that once i was out there, he would settle, since he didn't seem too frenzied. he grazed for a minute, then came back over to the gate. i figured he must really want to come in, so i took him and left lucy by herself.

we walked back to the barn, and the second he was all the way in his stall (i didn't even have a chance to take his halter off or turn him around), he stretched out and peed. he is usually VERY modest and hates people watching him pee, let alone someone standing with him while he pees. it occurred to me that his urgency to come in from the pasture must have been simply because he REALLY HAD TO GO. poor silly newt.

the lucy filly has been doing exceptionally well. she's had two sessions on the lunge line that are far better than i ever would have imagined from a baby horse that knows nothing. she's also walking in and out of the wash racks without any problem at all. today she even went in next to another horse and stood quietly. i plan on starting re-introducing her to the trailer next weekend. she's so much more confident than she was a week ago.

26 SEP 2003 - 9.15a
the club is open! gbv at the grog shop on sunday, november 16.

24 SEP 2003 - 10.41p
i probably shouldn't have taken so much time away from my most favorite hobby of blogging... i've just been a very busy girl. i forget where i left off... on friday i went out in kent. yes, that was a good time, indeed. i drank a bit, talked a bit, played a few songs on the jukebox (included a smashing rendition of my version of "fox in the snow"... but it's really "dog in the snow"... but if you know me, you knew that).

when i got home that night, there was what appeared to be a skunk outside of the front door. i might have had one too many drinks, because after my intial reaction of gasping and running down the steps, i heard it meow. it was curled up, very cozy... and it was not about to let me interfere with its nap on our welcome mat. damn cats.

the next morning i was up early to ride the newt... then in the early afternoon we went to pick up the lucy filly. let me say that her previous home is an hour away from newt's home. i left in the early afternoon. i did not return until the evening. lucy was not the most willing girl to get on the trailer... she started loading the first time we tried (much to our surprise!) and had three feet on the trailer... foot number four didn't quite make it on the trailer. it landed on the rubber bumper and slipped off. lucy backed out faster than i knew what was going on. we tried to get her on the trailer for hours, including resorting to some methods i did not approve of. i don't believe a baby horse should be made miserable or be "spanked" when they are clearly frightened. if it were newt, that would be one thing... but her confidence was way down and i, unfortunately, let the situation slip from my grasp into the clutches of some people who really should have known better. finally, someone thought of a brilliant method that they saw on some cheesy horse whisperer type deal... we tried it and she loaded in just a few minutes. crazy.

when the truck and trailer started moving, lucy was not happy... she banged around so bad that i was so afraid of how hurt she was going to be. i wanted to turn around. it was the scariest thing... to feel the heavy duty truck straining against the weight of an 800 pound (just guessing on her weight) baby thrashing around in the trailer. i really wanted to turn around. but just as fast as the violence in the trailer started, it stopped. i thought, "she surely must be dead. she flipped over and she died." i made my mom get out and peek in the windows... baby was upright and fine. hmm.

getting off the trailer was better... and she walked into timberlane like she'd been there her whole life. her behavior has been completely stellar... she hasn't done a thing wrong since she arrived.

i spent sunday playing with the horses... and david called to tell me that it was likely i was on the guestlist for the kid dakota/black eyed snakes/metric/some other band show at the grog shop that night. he'd seen kid dakota and the black eyed snakes the previous night and made some arrangement with christopher the drummer (note: that picture is from the spoon/vanderslice show at the old grog, about a year ago). my name was written on his hand... sigh. i hustled to get to the show... figuring i'd arrive around ten, when the show was supposed to start... and when are grog shop shows on time, anyway? well... i got there ten after ten and although relieved to find out i was on the guestlist, i was really super disappointed to find out i missed both kid dakota and the black eyed snakes. gah!!! i found christopher and thanked him for putting me on the guestlist. he showed me his hand where my name had been written... and you could still kind of make out the "o'malley." then he showed me the piece of paper he transferred my name to, so he wouldn't forget. at some point after that, i started feeling super awkward and rushed to the bar to get a drink.

watched most of the metric by myself... then joined cool dave and rudie. we watched some of the final band (i forget what they were called) and then they left. i figured i'd stick around for a few minutes to see if christopher showed up (he was nowhere in sight), so i could thank him again.

ten minutes passed and he did not show up, so i left. as soon as i walked outside, there was christopher sitting with some other kid dakota guy. he called me over and we chatted a bit about all kinds of stuff... music, spoon, his shoes, how the band playing sucked. then the other kid dakota guy went back inside and i sat outside with christopher. alan sparhawk walked past with two pizzas, which he kindly offered to us... they only had cheese on them! i declined, but christopher took him up on the offer.

some point after that, we went back inside for a drink. christopher asked me if i wanted to smoke pot. i didn't. so i drank. the band stopped playing. jukebox music started back up in the grog... and i got to see alan sparhawk sing the smiths and prince. he danced around a bit and snapped a towel... it was a good moment. i found out christopher is moving to japan on october 3 for fifteen months. best wishes to him and i hope he relishes his celebrity status there. i know there's so much more to this story and david's going to be so mad that i forgot... i'm just tired right now.

i went to all of my classes on monday (amazing!) and then to see built to spill that night. i went with paul h and met up with lots of friends there, which was really nice. i had a run in with tony, which at first seemed friendly... but the second encounter with him left me questioning how friendly the first one actually was. john s showed up at some point... best smelling man ever, i swear. it was so nice to see him and i wish i could have hung out with him longer. i feel like i have a gazillion stories to tell him... but whatever. maybe someday he'll make arrangements to hang out with me (and LACEY!) and i can talk his ear off.

the show was great.

i spent last night "studying" for an exam i had today. i think i did fairly well on it. i went to tony's after school to retreive my belongings and return his to him. the visit started off kind of painful... i once again had to hear what a horrible person i am... but eventually things mellowed out and i left feeling pretty good. no, not so good that i'm getting back together with him... but good in a way that i know he doesn't hate me. that was very important.

and that brings me to now. things are so different from the last time i wrote, and i can only imagine they'll continue to change rapidly. it's weird being so lonely now, but luckily lucy and newt have occupied so much of my time lately. maybe tomorrow i will sleep in.

23 SEP 2003 - 8.15a
married john is the best smelling human being on the face of the earth. it was so good seeing him last night.

more later.

19 SEP 2003 - 12.57a
i did a lot of things today. i'll talk mostly about the imoportant stuff. for starters, i got a rad haircut. so happy with it. thumbs up to the folks at dino palmieri southpark mall.

i went to class (go, me!) and then i went to see teddy leo with paul h. oh, teddy... you make me swoon. your between songs banter makes my heart skip. i loved it when you played the song off of your first release ever... i have not heard it since the days of yore, when you toured solo with just your trusty guitar and tape machine. i missed it. i missed you, ted. thanks for promising to come back to see me before christmas.

and that, my friends, is a very fun record to own and play.

oh, so if you got a voicemail from me today, and i sound kind of stunned like a deer in the headlights, i'm sorry for bothering you. i just had to!

upon returning home from ted leo, i checked my email... and i found the following:

From: "James Hendrix"
To: nakedomalley@nakedomalley.com
Subject: Question about your meg white costume
Date: Thu, 18 Sep 2003 23:02:43 -0500

hey,
this may seem weird, but i stumbled upon your ujournal and noticed you had a "meg white costume".....uh, yeah......i was kinda wonderin' how you got it, or if you made it, and how you made it. it. sorry if i seem creepy, i dont think i am. i was just curious, ummm.....m ....m....y stapler. if you could please....um yeah, pass that info along to me, thad be ggreat.
thanks
peter.

james

um, yeah. so make of that what you will.

16 SEP 2003 - 11.00p
lacey just left a few minutes ago. we had a great evening of talk, food, and todd sparrow. i'm sure she'll have more to say about it in her blog tomorrow (or whenever she writes). i hope someone finds her blog by doing a search for "good time butt rock."

today was wacky, but in a good way. i had planned on going to the feed store this morning before i went riding... then to class at 6. i never made it to the feed store... talked to eric online then he called me... he was in good spirits and kept me laughing. his call delayed my trip to the barn... by the time i got home, i was pretty convinced i was going to be late for school. my uncle came over to pick up some tools, which made me even later. then as i was driving down our road, i realized i forgot my glasses. ugh! so instead of turning around and going back (since i was late), i kept on driving... a tractor pulled out onto the street in front of me. what would have normally been a two minute drive to the highway took about fifteen minutes. i couldn't pass the tractor because of traffic, so i drove at a whopping 5 mph behind it. talked to john s. on the phone (so surprising to hear from him!!) and then to david. i wasn't even halfway to school (and dreadfully late!!) when i noticed my gas light was on... i just gave up and drove home. i mean, i didn't have my glasses, so i couldn't have seen anything in class, anyway.

lacey came over instead and we watched a horrible, horrible movie that at some point in our lives we had both seen (probably silmutaniously, just in different locations) and remembered fondly. it is called girl and i can't believe we watched it again... lacey rented it, though, so it wasn't my fault. we laughed a lot, and cringed out of pure embarrassment. horrible stuff.

15 SEP 2003 - 11.38p
things are tough. but i'm happy that i have good friends that are willing to discuss my current situation... and support my decision. i'm still very sad... the bad moments come frequently, but i'm sure that will probably happen for a while.

now i have to wonder about a lot of things... that built to spill show is next week. i naturally want to go, and i'm assuming he'll be there, too (i was supposed to go with him, he bought tickets). i would rather he went and not have to worry about running into me, since built to spill is more of "his" band than mine... so i'm tempted to not go. i really wouldn't want to ruin his night... i know he loves built to spill.

i've been listening to hail to the thief again. "there there" has been sounding especially good. i keep thinking of how they did it live... that drumming was so incredible. sigh.

14 SEP 2003 - 10.32p
bring on the pity party, please. actually, a few hours ago lacey and i chatted a bit and discovered a new yahoo game called "typer shark." she was down, too, and it cheered her up a bit. yay, typing. YAY, sharks. we also entertained several halloween costume ideas. we made some progress with lacey's costume... picture those shorts that girls wear that have stuff written on the butt. now picture those shorts with "CORPSE" on the butt with glitter. HOT STUFF.

i don't think i've mentioned here that lucy is coming home next weekend! yay! not home like backyard home, but she's going to the barn where newt is at for a month or so until the backyard barn is completed. it will be so exciting to have her there! i am very frightened about how she will behave... both at newt's barn and on the trailer. she's never left the farm where she was born. eek. oh well, better that she trashes her temporary home than trashing our brand new barn, i guess.

ted leo is this week.

14 SEP 2003 - 2.45p
i need to have a pity party. i'm really sad.

14 SEP 2003 - 11.49a
thanks to steph and her family for hosting a really nice party... we ended up going out post-party. we drank until the bars closed... it was really good for me to get out. i had some really fascinating conversations about haymaking with some of steph's hay farmer friends. they were making fun of me because i am so not used to the way things are out here. a little different than up in the city, yes.

i would like to remind you all that i have never even been to a county fair. i'm happy that i got through another year without going to one.

driving home from steph's last night was exciting. i almost hit a deer. in fact, i might have lightly tapped one with my car, but i'm sure it did no damage to the deer or my car. i had never, until last night, hit the brakes so hard that my tires were all screechy. i swerved a bit, too, as to avoid hitting a mommy and baby deer... in the process, i bumped another deer, but not hard. i haven't looked at my car, but the deer seemed totally okay.

13 SEP 2003 - 5.35p
i'm not sure if this is going to be very long, as i am dreadfully late for steph's party. i just felt the need to prevent any rumors based on my earlier post. yes, i broke up with tony again today. he did not do anything wrong... it was quite the contrary, actually. i just think that on paper, everything looked perfect... but in real life, i was just lacking something. he would have undoubtedly done anything for me, and to be perfectly honest, i can't say i would do the same for him. it's not because i hate him or even dislike him... i think very highly of him as a person. it's just a bunch of dumb things that i am never going to be able to get over... compatability issues, i guess you could say. i've maintained (and he's heard me say this many times) that we are very different in some ways... and i guess a lot of those ways finally caught up with me.

i'm sure he'll paint me out to be some kind of hateful bitch that's dragged him around... this is just based on a lot of the phone conversation we had today. i hardly ever raised my voice, i let him get a lot of his anger/frustrations out. and i just hope he knows that he is a good person and that he did not do anything wrong this time. i didn't really have a chance to tell him that. i'm sure i'll be lumped in the same category as jenna and some of the other exes... but i hope that someday he can listen to what i've wanted to tell him for weeks. it just wasn't working out for me the same way it was working out for him.

13 SEP 2003 - 9.17a
you always know things are bad between tony and i when i write about them here.

12 SEP 2003 - 9.39a
i should probably be talking about september 11 or dead famous people... but that's too depressing. i could talk about the potential pixies reunion, but who knows if that will really happen... so that's depressing, too. don't want to get my hopes up. instead i will talk about how the shins are coming and playing in the phantasy theater. i think lacey and i are the only ones who have ever actually been inside the phantasy theater (not to be confused with the pirate ship night club). we saw ned's atomic dustbin there in high school (i was driving, so i was probably barely 16). the theater is weird. very outdated. and i'm really pissed that i'm going to have to be drinking from the phantasy's ultra poor beer selection all night... blech!

okay, i won't talk about that because i don't want to get angry because the phantasy complex is so stupid and lame. instead i will talk about the spoon ep that tony surprised me with last night. it was a great gift... the kind of thing i probably wouldn't have sought out myself, but the kind of thing i would definitely want. thank you, tony.

i'll also talk about the gift i bought lacey. you see, my friend steph is going to be in town from florida this weekend. she just celebrated her twenty-first birthday (just a baby, i know!) in florida and now she must come up north to celebrate with all of her friends here (most importantly: me!). one of the nights i skipped class this week (i only skipped two classes... but one of them was because i had a horrible nutrasweet headache!), tony and i went shopping for a birthday gift for steph. we didn't work very hard at it... and i ended up buying lacey a gift instead. and yes, the rumor is true... the gift is PINK.

i don't know what else to talk about. school is fine, aside from skipping two classes this week. we watched un chien andalou on monday and sunset boulevard on wednesday. un chien was pretty wacked out. i mean, i always had heard it was wacked out... but it really was wacked out. yeah, yeah... slicing up eyeballs... but the other stuff was so much weirder than that.

i'm tired of writing. this does not feel cohesive.

07 SEP 2003 - 11.54p


pictured above is the reason i am the luckiest girl in the world.

in case you didn't know, that's newt and i, accompanied by phoebe... in the "backyard." newt came home for a visit today. it was the weirdest thing ever... having the horse at home. phoebe loved it (she has that weird love/hate relationship with her brother, you know, and this was ALL love) and carried on crying for quite a long time after newt went back to his apartment in the suburbs.

i can't wait for our barn to go up.

07 SEP 2003 - 12.37a
congratulations to mr. bbbrett bbbookwriter on scoring a deal with a publisher. i do not want a free copy of his book. i want to buy it and stand in line for him to sign it.

i'm too tired to write anything else. long day. going to bed. goodnight!

05 SEP 2003 - 5.41p
i took newtie to the park again today. i had a great time by myself... we didn't see a single soul unless you count a shitload of squirrels. phoebe would have loved it... newt did not have the same enthusiasm for the squirrels that phoebe would have had. in fact, every few minutes during the first section of the trail, he would stop and strike the "DID YOU HEAR THAT?!?!" pose. i don't know if you've ever been on a scared horse before, but sometimes when they're really worked up, you can feel their heart beating on your legs. during the first squirrel episode (squirrels fighting high in the trees above us), i could feel his heart pounding as he struck the "DID YOU HEAR THAT?!?!" pose. i patted him on the neck and told him there was nothing to get so worked up over, and we were on our way. aside from a few other squirrel problems, we had a really nice ride. it was cool, there were no flies at all, and he relaxed quite well and i was able to get a nice workout from him.

i have no real concrete plans for the weekend aside from visiting sweet little lucy (who probably forgot all about me) and going to the ohio quarter horse futurity show tomorrow. it should be a good weekend, i hope. quiet, if nothing else.

OH! horror of horrors! so i'm in this campaign class with that stupid girl who was so into the energizer battery project from my advertising class a couple semesters ago. i did my best at avoiding her the first two weeks of school so she wouldn't see me and ask me to do the group project with her. well... we were passing around a sheet to sign up for group projects on wednesday. i made friends with another (smart, not annoying) girl and we agreed to be in the same group. various topics were listed on the sheet and you just signed your name under the topic of choice. the new girl and i signed our names. after class, i see annoying energizer girl looking around then she started calling my name. i kind of waved and asked how her summer was or something lame. she then said, "i didn't even know you were in this class! i saw your name on the sheet and so i signed up for that topic, too!!" OH MY GOD. fucking brilliant, huh?

03 SEP 2003 - 9.26a
goodbye, tim tobias. you will be missed!

this changes the whole gbv thing for me. i loved the "current" line up... and i'm not going to say that either of the new bass players are going to suck... but gbv will just not be the same for me. i might take tim's departure (for reasons still unbeknownst to me) as a sign to back off of the gbv live show obsession i have. the past few setlists have all been basically the same, and i really just don't see that problem improving any by bringing a new guy into the mix. and tim and nate were always so fun together! sigh.

02 SEP 2003 - 9.01a
i had this dream the other night that i was at the beachland, and isaac brock was there. he asked me if he could give me a tattoo... and i let him. i walked out of the beachland some time later with my entire left arm covered in tattoos. i just remember being especially freaked out because the tattoos trailed down to my hand... and i didn't know how i would cover them up. i hated them, but since isaac did them, i couldn't hate them too much.

lacey's luau was a grand time. i must thank her for giving me an award, even if i didn't earn an extra $5 by making a certain phone call. lacey is an eyeball licking whore and i'm pleased that through her, i was able to turn others (brett and bob) on to the art of eyeball licking.

on sunday i took newt to the hinckley metroparks for a lengthy trail ride. the short haul there and back went well, considering it's the first time the trailer has been out since november of last year. my mom came to help check the tire pressure and get them back to normal since she has a handy air compressor. there were bee nests all over the trailer... in the wheel on the hitch, under the door handle for the dressing room... so my mom came armed with super bee killer and then everything was okay.

i think i will go riding now... and then school supply shopping. i keep saying i'm going to do that... i really need to get it done, since week one is already over.